The Newsroom starts tonight, and, despite some middling reviews, I’m still rather excited. The trailer for the show shows some classic Aaron Sorkin writing, and really it’s been far too long since Sorkin has been on television. Even Studio 60 had better moments than you get on most TV shows, (hello, the pilot is pretty impressive) so I’m holding out hope for this new offering.
In honor of this new show, I’ve decided to count down the top five best Sorkinesque TV moments of the past. Other sites have done the best Sorkin characters or episodes, but for me, it’s really certain scenes, certain lines, that define what a great television maker this guy is. He’s a wordsmith, a writer of great speeches, great banter and brilliant wordplay. As a language lover myself, it’s a joy to watch.
So, with that in mind: Here – we – go!
5. Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip – “Pilot” – Wes Mendell has a Network moment
Aaron Sorkin has a knack for saying things that you’ve been thinking but never had the mental acumen to put together so intelligently. Some people hate how he uses his shows as a pulpit, but I admire it. If somebody has the attention of millions of people, I’m glad it’s someone with a quick mind and a sharp tongue.
Wes: Ah, this is not going to be a very good show tonight. And I think you should change the channel. Change the channel, go on, right now… or better yet, turn off the TV, okay? No, I know it seems like this is supposed to be funny, but tomorrow you’re gonna find out that it wasn’t and by that time I’ll have been fired. No, this is… this is not… this is not a sketch. This show used to be cutting edge political and social satire, but it’s gotten lobotomized by a candy-ass broadcast network hell-bent on doing nothing that might challenge their audience. We’re about to do a sketch that you’ve seen already about 500 times. Yeah, no one’s gonna confuse George Bush with George Plimpton. Yeah, we get it. We’re all being lobotomized by this country’s most influential industry that’s just throwing in the towel on any endeavor to do anything that doesn’t include the courting of 12 year old boys. And not even the smart 12 year olds. The stupid ones. The idiots. Which there are plenty, thanks in no small measure to this network, so why don’t you just change the channel? Turn off your TVs, do it right now, go ahead…. A struggle between art and commerce. Well, there’s always been a struggle between art and commerce. And now I’m telling you art is getting its ass kicked. And it’s making us mean, and it’s making us bitchy. It’s making us cheap punks. That’s not who we are! People are having contests to see how much they can be like Donald Trump?… We’re eating worms for money. Who wants to screw my sister? Guys are getting killed in a war that’s got theme music and a logo? That remote in your hand is a crack pipe. [monitors] Oh yeah, every once in a while we pretend to be appalled…. Pornographers! It’s not even good pornography. They’re just this side of snuff films. And friends, that’s what’s next because that’s all that’s left. And the two things that make them scared gutless are the FCC and every psycho religious cult that gets positively horny at the very mention of a boycott. These are the people they’re afraid of – this prissy, feckless, off-the-charts, greed-filled whorehouse of a network. And you’re watching this thoroughly unpatriotic Mother-
Cal: Go to VTR, now!
4. The West Wing – “Game On” – Jed Bartlet kicks his debate skills up a notch
Sometimes I wish Jed Bartlett were real. Not to get too political, but the way he tries so hard to be noble and just as President is something I wish were a reality in this day and age. And I truly wish that the American public used this model for their choice of President.
Bartlet: There it is. That’s the ten word answer my staff’s been looking for for two weeks. There it is. Ten-word answers can kill you in political campaigns. They’re the tip of the sword. Here’s my question: What are the next ten words of your answer? Your taxes are too high? So are mine. Give me the next ten words. How are we going to do it? Give me ten after that, I’ll drop out of the race right now. Every once in a while… every once in a while, there’s a day with an absolute right and an absolute wrong, but those days almost always include body counts. Other than that, there aren’t very many unnuanced moments in leading a country that’s way too big for ten words. I’m the President of the United States, not the President of the people who agree with me. And by the way, if the left has a problem with that, they should vote for somebody else.
3. The West Wing “The Midterms” – Jed Bartlet doesn’t tolerate ignorance
If there is one thing I hate, it’s ignorance. If someone disagrees with me and can defend their view with intelligence, I’m all for it. But if their disagreement stems from a basic misunderstanding of truths, I’m done. And I wish I had the brilliance to take them down the way Bartlet takes down this bigoted radio personality.
President Josiah Bartlet: Good. I like your show. I like how you call homosexuality an abomination.
Dr. Jenna Jacobs: I don’t say homosexuality is an abomination, Mr. President. The Bible does.
President Josiah Bartlet: Yes, it does. Leviticus.
Dr. Jenna Jacobs: 18:22.
President Josiah Bartlet: Chapter and verse. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I had you here. I’m interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She’s a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While thinking about that, can I ask another? My Chief of Staff Leo McGarry insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or is it okay to call the police? Here’s one that’s really important ’cause we’ve got a lot of sports fans in this town: Touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads? Think about those questions, would you? One last thing: While you may be mistaking this for your monthly meeting of the Ignorant Tight-Ass Club, in this building, when the President stands, nobody sits.
3. Sports Night – “The Apology” – Dan Rydell apologizes to his brother
This speech is just plain moving. It doesn’t have any of the proselytizing that some of the other speeches I’ve chosen have, but it goes to the heart of the subject. And Josh Charles is just great in this moment.
“I have a younger brother named Sam. Sam’s a genius. I mean, literally. As a kid, he tested off the charts. The first computer I ever had, he built from a kit he bought with money he earned tutoring other kids in math. He’s energetic and articulate, curious and funny. A great source of pride to our parents. And there’s no doubt that he’d be living a great life right now, except for that he’s dead. Because when you’re fourteen years old, all you ever really wanna be when you grow up is your sixteen-year-old brother. And in my case, that meant smoking a lot of dope. The day I went off to college was the day that Sam got his driver’s license. And he celebrated by taking a drive with some of his friends. Drunk and high as a paper kite. He never saw the red light that he ran. And he probably never saw the eighteen-wheel truck that put him into the side of a brick bank, either.
[long pause]
That was eleven years ago tonight. And I just wanted to say… I’m sorry, Sam. You deserved better in my hands. And I apologize.
1. The West Wing “Two Cathedrals” Jed Bartlett yells at God
Thinking about this scene makes me tear up a little. “Two Cathedrals” is one of the best episodes of television ever. Hands down. And this speech, with the thunder in the background, breaks my heart. Martin Sheen is awe-inspiring in it, and I think I can safely say that it’s one of the greatest things that Aaron Sorkin has ever written.
“You’re a son of a bitch, You know that? She bought her first new car and You hit her with a drunk driver. What? Was that supposed to be funny? “You can’t conceive, nor can I, the appalling strangeness of the mercy of God,” says Graham Greene. I don’t know whose ass he was kissing there, ’cause I think You’re just vindictive. What was Josh Lyman – a warning shot? That was my son. What did I ever do to Yours but praise His glory and praise His Name? There’s a tropical storm that’s gaining speed and power. They say we haven’t had a storm this bad since You took out that tender ship of mine in the North Atlantic last year. Sixty-eight crew. You know what a tender ship does? Fixes the other ships. It doesn’t even carry guns. It just goes around, fixes the other ships and delivers the mail. That’s all it can do. Gratias tibi ago, Domine. Yes, I lied. It was a sin. I’ve committed many sins. Have I displeased You, You feckless thug? 3.8 million new jobs, that wasn’t good?
[scoffs]
Bailed out Mexico. Increased foreign trade. Thirty million new acres of land for conservation. Put Mendoza on the bench. We’re not fighting a war. I’ve raised three children. That’s not enough to buy me out of the doghouse? Haec credam a Deo pio, a Deo iusto, a Deo scito? Cruciatus in crucem. Trus in terra servus, nuntius fui, officium perfeci. Cruciatus in crucem. Eas in crucem.
[Deliberately lights a cigarette and grinds it out on the Cathedral floor]
You get Hoynes.
Mary the TV Maven 