Music, Music and More Music: Tunes from September TV Shows

It’s been a while since I’ve posted TV music here mostly because it’s been quite slow in terms of tunes. Now that the new season has started, however, there is a glut. A three week glut, to be exact because I’m a little late in the starting.

Sorry for the onslaught, but there is some great music out there, and I have to share it. I hope you find something you like.

Revenge – This show has always been on point with their soundtrack and the first episode is no different. From the moody Chromatics song to the jamming Soft Swells and Tame Impala, I’m so glad Revenge is back.

Soft Swells – “Shake It Off, Turn It Up”

Chromatics – “Into the Black”

M. Ward – “There’s the Key”

Tame Impala – Elephant

How I Met Your Mother – Sure, everybody has used Band of Horses at some point in their show. And no, Band of Horses isn’t my favorite band. But some people like them and this song worked well against the final scenes of “Farhampton.” So, take a listen.

Band Of Horses – “The Funeral”

Bones – I’ve loved “Ho Hey” since last year when it was used on Hart of Dixie. And now the song is all over the place. David O Russell is even using it in his trailer for Silver Linings Playbook. But I have yet to get sick of the song. And that is the hallmark of a classic.

The Lumineers – “Ho Hey”

The Mindy Project – My new favorite show of the fall has some promising music. The highlight of the pilot, by far, was MIA. Poppy, fun, and slightly Indian: it represents the show perfectly.

MIA – “Bad Girls”

Private Practice – Lots of the music on Private Practice is too adult acoustic-y for me. But I managed to pick out some good ones, I think. I always have a soft spot for Bonnie “Prince” Billy and the Divine Fits song is just pure fun. Well done, Shonda Rhimes.

Bonnie “Prince” Billy – “Death to Everyone”

Divine Fits – “Flaggin a Ride”

Raising Hope – Not a show you think of for good music, but I’m cool with exceptions. This played over Jimmy’s proposal to Sabrina, and I think it’s great. And hey, I’ll take good songs where I can get them.

The Postelles – “White Night”

Grey’s Anatomy – The gold standard of good TV music is back with a vengeance. So many good choices. I’ve picked my favorites, two upbeat ones, and two sad songs that played over even sadder scenes. I love all four.

Mynabirds – “Body of Work”

Miss Li – “My Heart Goes Boom”

One Two – “Without You”

Kodaline – “All I Want”

Fringe – Another left field show in terms of music, but whatever. Only Fringe could make a new wave 80s hit into a haunting elegiac song lamenting the loss of Walter’s mind. Brilliantly used.

Yazoo – “Only You”

Parenthood – For this show, I’m four weeks behind. Yikes. Here, I’ve distilled about 16 songs into my top picks. Allie Moss because it makes me smile. Andrew Bird because, well, he’s Andrew Bird and you should like him. And Foreign Fields because it was the perfect song to play over the scene where Jasmine explains racism to Jabar. If you want to hear all the other songs I didn’t pick, head over to tunefind.com. They’re all there waiting for you to listen.

Allie Moss – “Corner”

Andrew Bird – “Orpheo Looks Back”

Andrew Bird – “Lusitania”

Foreign Fields – “Names and Races”

Well, that’s it, everybody. I definitely have some new things to listen to on my iPod, and I hope you take away some too.

Until next time,

Mary

New TV Status Update

It’s basically premiere week this week on television. Practically everything is starting, so my plate is full with trying to catch up on it all. Already, it’s Tuesday and I have three shows leftover to watch. But fear not, gentle reader, come this weekend I will have reviews of all of them.

For some shows that premiered a few weeks ago, however, we have come to an impasse. The three weeks are up and it’s time to, proverbially, “sh-t or get off the pot.”  So it is so long, Guys with Kids, we barely knew ye, we never liked ye. And hello, Go On, you have earned your golden ticket, pass go, collect $200, and all that mixed metaphor stuff. You have gotten the coveted season pass on my Tivo.

And The New Normal? Well, I was intrigued by the first two episodes; then in the third episode, I was reminded that the showrunner was Ryan Murphy and that he has all the subtlety of herd of elephants, or a shotgun blast to the face, or a proselytizing writer who is high on his own rhetoric. There are better ways to talk about gay marriage than blasting me with thinly veiled speeches that seem better suited for a campaign trail. The sitcom, in its purest form, is supposed to be art, not a soapbox. (For a good way to see gay couples portrayed, re: Modern Family). The fourth episode, the one that aired last night, was even worse. So, in the loud, clomping footsteps of Glee and Nip/Tuck before it, The New Normal goes down as a Ryan Murphy show I will not be tuning in each week to watch. Sad. I had relatively, um, not high, but decent hopes.

So, that’s that. Tune in this weekend for more on the new season. I’ll be talking about The Mindy Project, Ben and Kate, Vegas, Partners, Animal Practice, The Neighbors, Last Resort, Elementary, and Made in Jersey. Whew, I’m tired just writing that. Let’s hope it’s not as tiring to watch them all.

Happy viewing!

-Mary

High Concept Monday Dramas

As I sat down to watch TV last night for the first round of the hour long dramas to premiere this year, I almost lost my cool. Midway through Bones, my cable went out and didn’t come right back on. In fact, it was a near half hour before things got back to normal, with only minutes to spare before the start of the two new Monday shows that I was planning to cover here. So, though I was forced to watch Brennan and Booth in the wee hours this morning before work, I was able to catch The Mob Doctor and Revolution last night so I could write about them today.

The Mob Doctor

This is a show that I have been pretty excited to see ever since uprfronts last spring. This is also a show that when I mention to other people that I’m excited, they look at me, head cocked to one side and say “Really?” They just don’t get where I’m coming from, and I don’t get them. For me, it has so many things going for it: namely, Jordana Spiro, who I loved on My Boys, Zach Gilford, who is and always will be Matt Saracen from FNL, and medicine, which I am a sucker for. Give me a medical show over lawyers, cops, housewives, and forensic pathologists any day. I just love them.

Oh, and The Mob Doctor also has the mob. Fun, high concept, right? Well, turns out the show is far more Grey’s Anatomy than Goodfellas, but I’m still hooked. The premise is basic enough: Young, gifted surgeon gets in deep with the Chicago mafia in order to save her brother’s life. To pay off his debts, she must preform medical procedures for the members of the mob, who tend to get shot with some frequency. The pilot establishes this idea pretty handily in the first few scenes, especially with a comical bit where Dr. Devlin (Spiro) yanks a screwdriver out of a lackey’s head.

What sells me on the show, however, is not the plot of the pilot, which admittedly is a kind of muddy (the whole storyline of the girl Devlin used to babysit for getting pregnant was superfluous). We sells me is Jordana Spiro. I immediately connect to her as a the woman straddling two worlds, perhaps because she did something similar in My Boys. She has the gruffness to deal with the mob bosses and medical bosses alike, and she has the poise and intelligence to come off as a very gifted doctor.

The second episode of The Mob Doctor will really tell the tale for me. It’s easy to have a solid pilot and not know where to go from there. The next episodes will establish if the writers can strike a balance between the two worlds and if they can keep the action believable instead of melodramatic. I’m excited to see what the new boss brings to the table and if the show can rise above the medical problem versus mafia problem of the week. I would love for it to go dark, like, say, The Black Donnellys, a similar show which was cancelled too soon. We shall see. Until then, I have high hopes. B+

Revolution

The only thing more present in my mind than the onslaught of Revolution previews that aired on NBC all summer was the deluge of middling to downright bad reviews that came out this week about the show. It seemed everyone was predisposed to hate it. I tried, however, to watch the pilot with an open mind. I like JJ Abrams – despite Alcatraz and, yes, Super 8 – and the concept is pretty cool – the world simultaneously losing all electricity. The show, in theory, had potential.

Unfortunately, I have to agree with the crowd on this one. Revolution is not good. Its major  failing is one that many high-concept shows of the past (especially on NBC) have fallen prey to and I call it the buckshot approach to tv making. Here’s how it goes: you take a cool concept, like aliens coming to earth (ie. V) or aliens living among us (ie The Event) or people living in the past (ie Terra Nova) and you create a big, sprawling cast, then give everyone interesting storylines that will eventually intersect with each other, and throw that all into the pilot. In concept, it should look like Lost. In practice, you shoot the audience in the face.

There is so much thrown against the wall in Revolution that everything ends up being mediocre. In 45 minutes, all the power goes out, we flash-forward 15 years, the father gets shot, the brother gets kidnapped, the sister gets attacked more than once, the uncle gets attacked and kills a dozen people and a lady talks to someone on a crude computer. On top of that, the sister meets her love interest, who, all star-crossedly, is part of the opposing militia. And did I mention that said militia is run by the uncle’s former best friend? It’s enough plot to fill an entire season, but stuffed into one episode, it feels hurried and unbelievable.

If you look back at high-concept pilots that worked, you realize that they only focused on one story and slowly introduced more as the season progressed. Lost only told the story of Jack, Charlie and Kate without much more than introductions to the other castaways; The Walking Dead only followed Grimes in the first episode; Mad Men didn’t even introduce Betty Draper until the last five minutes of its pilot. I wish that Revolution had learned from these superior shows, instead of following the vein of other failed shows. Nothing worked well, and the romantic entanglement, especially, was irksome.

The show has glimmers of promise – the science behind the blackout intrigues me, I love Giancarlo Esposito, and Zak Orth is pretty funny – but in the end, Revolution comes off as a bad, watered-down ripoff of The Hunger Games, and I would be surprised if I make it more than my requisite three episodes. D

Much Ado about Nothing (Yay!) and A Week of New NBC Comedies (Yay?)

I’ve spent the better part of this week at the Toronto Film Festival, and coming from a person who loves TV, I have to say it was a pretty successful trip. Not only did I get to see Joss Whedon’s latest feature, Much Ado About Nothing; I also had the pleasure of viewing Breaking Bad‘s Aaron Paul and Parks and Rec’s Nick Offerman in their bleak but honest film Smashed.

Now, anybody who loves the Whedonverse or Shakespeare for that matter, should/must see Much Ado. I didn’t get to see Whedon in person (heart-breaking, I know) but it was still my favorite of the festival. Amy Acker and Alexis Denisof, better known as Wesley and Fred, play Beatrice and Benedick, and they are the standouts in the film, both for the chemistry between them and their ease with Shakespeare’s iambs. But there are Whedon characters all over the place and they are wonderful to watch. Fran Kranz plays Claudio;  Reed Diamond, Don Pedro; Nathan Fillion, Dogberry; Sean Maher, Don John; Clark Gregg, Leonato; and Tom Lenk, Verges. That’s, respectively, Topher and Dominic from Dollhouse, Captain Malcolm Reynolds and Simon Tamm from Firefly, Agent Coulson from The Avengers and Andrew (my favorite) from Buffy. Basically, I geeked out hard. Oh, and it’s also a really good movie.

Smashed was very different from Much Ado, but no worse in quality. It is the story of a woman, Kate, played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead of, in my mind at least, Scott Pilgrim fame who decides that she is an alcoholic and must stop drinking. The movie is honest, poignant, and ultimately gut-wrenching, especially when it deals with Kate’s marriage to Charlie, played by Aaron Paul. I have made it no secret that Jessie is my favorite character on Breaking Bad and in this movie, Paul brings the same bravado mixed with naiveté that makes me love him on his TV show. Nick Offerman also plays a role in the film as Kate’s well-intentioned mentor. It’s a departure from his comedy work, but he does a good straight man as well.  So, if you like the either show, or if you are a glutton for punishment and you like movies about couples falling apart (think Blue Valentine), then I say get thee to a theater come October 12. You won’t be sorry.

Having spent all that time at the festival, without access to regular American television, I have only just caught up on this week’s premieres. Imagine my joy when I get to come home from a two hour drive, plop down in front of my TV, and watch The New Normal, Go On and Guys with Kids. Honestly, what could be better? Besides, you know, a root canal, or a bikini wax or watching the scene from Siriana where George Clooney gets his fingernails ripped off (oof, I shutter just thinking about that scene). Ok, ok, it’s not actually that bad. But I wouldn’t call the experience good either. All three shows are flawed, severely in some cases, and it makes me wonder how many are going to make it past the three episode hazing period I give them.

Guys with Kids
Let’s start with the worst. Oh, there are so many things wrong with Guys with Kids. Pace, characterization, cliché, originality. It’s a total mess. First off, it doesn’t help that the show is filmed in front of a live studio audience. Does that make me a horrible person to say that? I used to love shows with audiences. I grew up on them. But then again, those shows were better in every other area. And tastes have changed. The live studio audience to me indicates that I’m going to find tired, cliché jokes that are delivered by actors hamming for the camera. And that’s exactly what Guys with Kids delivers. Think Scrubs’s “My Life in Four Cameras” but not funny.

Jesse Bradford especially is subject to overacting, dropping jokes like they are very heavy bricks, while Anthony Anderson clings on to the joke that he hasn’t been out of the house in years like it is his last cookie. And the women, Jaime-Lynn Sigler and Tempest Bledsoe come off as one-note characters just there so the men have something to complain about. There was a funny moment with Kareem Abdul Jabbar, but it wasn’t enough to save it for me. We’ll see if I can last two more episodes. D

The New Normal
My first thought about The New Normalwas that it was disorienting. Then I realized that because of Hulu’s annoying configuration, I had watched episode 2 before seeing the pilot. Realizing my error, I went back and rewatched everything in the correct order, and things made much more sense.

Now, The New Normal is one of the shows that NBC has been advertising heavily ever since the Olympics, and I would imagine that it is the one of the new shows that the network is proudest of. I mean, it’s got the gays, and a movie star (Ellen Barkin), and a sort of movie star (Justin Bartha) and a Broadway star (Andrew Rannells, aka, the guy from The Book of Mormon), and did I mention the gays? It’s so edgy and progressive that it has to be good, right? Well sort of.

My first thought, actually, was that besides the whole surrogacy element, the show is pretty much a rewrite of the well-conceived, poorly executed Running Wilde. You have the single mom who is trying to teach her daughter how to live and you have the kind-hearted benefactors who are kooky and a little profligate. Luckily for us, this show was more watchable than its cancelled predecessor. It’s flawed, definitely, but let’s start with the good things.

The best thing? Andrew Rannells, hands down. He is perfect as his character, Bryan, campy without being hammy, shallow without being cruel, different without being alienating. He sold me in the first scene where he talks about his future child calling him “Daddy.” The genuine emotion in that scene made me care for the character, and if I continue watching this show, it will probably be for him.

The rest of the cast is pretty great as well.  Georgia King plays a very believable, struggling single mother and Bebe Wood is rather adorable as her child. Plus she does a really spot-on impression of Little Edie. Justin Bartha isn’t perfect yet – after The Hangover, I have a little trouble seeing him in this role – but there is definite room for improvement from what I see. As for Ellen Barkin, she is the person that everyone is going to latch onto for her over the top bigotry, and yes, it was enjoyable at times, but I hope that they tone her down in the future. You can only do so many “fudge-packer” jokes before it gets old. And then there’s Nene. I am a little loath to mention her because she is so bad that she’s really out of place in the show. From the two episodes so far, she’s thrown in for a few seconds at the beginning of the show to make a few poorly delivered one-liners and then she flies off into the ether. I hope it stays that way, or better yet, she disappears entirely because she completely lacks comic timing. But I guess we’ll have to see how things go moving forward.

The other flaws in the show? Well, I’m not a fan of the random talking heads, like the two mothers in the pilot on the playground or the doctors in the second ep. It seems out of place, like the showrunners can’t decide if they want to be a mockumentary or not and so are splitting the difference and muddling the storytelling. In that same vein, the 30 Rock-style flashback/fantasy sequences are a pretty jarring. They appear as jokes shoe-horned into the episodes because the writers couldn’t figure out a joke to fit in the actual storyline. In several of the Community commentaries, Dan Harmon talks about how hard it is to write a comedy without the cross-cutting and fantasies, and I agree. I wish that The New Normal would either commit to the element, the way that Scrubs and Family Guy do, or eliminate the style all together. The half-measure that they are using right now does not appeal.

Over all, though, I liked the show enough to come back for at least a few more episodes. We’ll see if things improve. B-

Go On
The final viewing of the night went to Go On, Matthew Perry’s latest attempt to regain televisionary relevancy. I had watched the pilot back in August when it aired after one of the nights of the Olympics. Both then and now I was struck by its similarity to Community, a show which NBC has tried to disavow since its very beginning. This irony was not lost on me. But really, both are shows about curmudgeonly guys who are forced to join a group of misfits and actually finds out that he might have a place there. However, whereas Community is bold and bizarre (and awesome) in its storytelling and boundary-pushing, Go On seems to be taking a much more pedestrian and accessible path. It will probably benefit from this, but I don’t see it reaching the incredible highs that Community has.

That said, of the three shows, I laughed the most at Go On. By far, the actors have the best comic timing, which isn’t surprising given their pedigree. Not only is Perry from Friends, but there is John Cho from Harold and Kumar, Sarah Baker from The Campaign, Bill Cobbs, from nearly every role that Morgan Freeman turned down, Tyler James Williams from Everybody Hates Chris, and Seth Morris and Brett Gelman from a handful of Cartoon Network shows and Will Ferrel movies. Oh, and then there is Allison from Kings – not a comedy, but something you should really watch if you haven’t already. It’s excellent.

So, there is definitely a lot of potential in this show. And storytelling-wise, the writers seem to know how to break a show. The pilot has a clear focus of getting Perry into the group, and I feel that each character was given a moment to present him/herself through the bracket-type pain-off. And you can definitely see how things will move forward, with Perry accepting the group more and more and the group changing for the better because of the his saner, un-Stockholm-syndromed influence. The end of the episode was especially impressive, with the group chasing after the Google-car. If future episodes have that type of heart, I think I could latch on to it.

The second episode was rockier; while trying to up the ante, I think the writers bit off a little more than they could chew. Instead of the one, well-defined story, there were three: Ryan and Sonia with her cats, Ryan, Steven and George with the basketball and Ryan and Carrie with his still-present grief over his wife’s death.  The cats storyline was the best and by far the funniest. I laughed not only when everyone kept showing up with yet more felines, but also with Perry on the phone surrounded by cats and even more when Perry had to give the cats away on the side of the road. (I currently have a friend who is trying to do the same thing, and the image was just great.)

The George story of an blind man being robbed of his precious signed basketball was also great. The image of George sitting in the group circle with all his worldly possessions gave me a chuckle, and then when he started to play Coltraine, I really laughed. So random, yet so funny. This was probably the smartest joke of the episode, but I have to admit, the whole story nearly fizzled out after it. In fact, I thought they forgot about it until Ryan takes George to the basketball game. And even then, it was strange when the whole screen went black so we could hear the game.  Nice in theory, not so effective in practice.

And then there was Carries’s story. This was the least effective for me, just because it is the most well-tread. We have all seen the lonely person latch on to another friend, only to drive said friend crazy. It was done on Scrubs in “My Persepctive”; it was done on Community in “Home Economics”; and it was done on Friends in “The One with the Princess Leia Fantasy” Yes, it was sweet when Ryan got the text saying that Carrie was thinking about him. But it wasn’t enough to save the whole plot.

At this point, I think I might add Go On to my weekly viewing, but it will take a few more episodes to say for certain. Until that time, I think I will enjoy myself. Either that or NBC will cancel it before giving it a chance, which would be about my luck. We shall see, won’t we? B

Happy viewing!!

-Mary

Nerdiness, Thy Name is Excel

Ok, first off, I know, I know, I’ve been missing for most of the summer. But whatever, I’ve been very busy with a relatively new job, and plus, TV is on hiatus. My logic is that their summer off gives me the summer off, given that this blog is about TV.

But what about Breaking Bad, you say? Or Newsroom? Or True Blood? Well, really it came down to scheduling for me. Sundays are bad for me.  So many shows means that I catch up on Monday, and then I don’t have any time before Friday to write. So, I decided that rather than being a day late and a dollar short, I just wouldn’t pay at all. Forgive me if you missed me this summer.

Summer, however, is coming to a close. You know how I know this? Well, because today I got my Entertainment Weekly Fall TV Preview in the mail. Personally, I think it came a little late this year, but that doesn’t negate the significance it has for me. Every year, I sit down with the magazine open and plan my fall TV watching.

This is more scientific than you would think. I already have a block of shows that I watch, plus all the new shows coming up in the new season. My philosophy is to give any new show that sparks interest in me a three week trial period. With the magazine, I first eliminate all new shows that I don’t ever, ever want to watch. This year that includes Beauty and the Beast (I think that is pretty self explanatory), Call the Midwife (Copper has given me a bad taste in my mouth for period BBC America dramas), and Malibu Country (I didn’t watch Reba, I won’t watch this). At that time, I also leave off any shows from previous seasons which didn’t make the cut the first time around, like Once Upon a Time and Person of Interest. This leaves me with a pretty hefty, but not unruly docket of shows.

Now, this is where the nerdiness comes in. I then sit down and make a spreadsheet. I know. I understand how this looks, but you wouldn’t believe how helpful it is. All the shows go in a column for their appropriate night and time; returning shows go in bold because they will stay there, unchanged; new shows get “penciled in” and everything gets color coded by network. I also create a list of start dates, so I know what to set on my Tivo and when to expect a new show to arrive in my Now Playing list.

And voilà. I’m ready for fall. And for the first time ever, I’m going to share the list with you. If you find it helpful, you may even consider doing this next year yourself. I swear, it makes TV life much easier.

View the full size worksheet here.

I look forward to starting the new season. And I promise, I won’t disappear for two months again. There’s just too much to talk about for that.

Happy viewing,

Mary

Emmy Tidbits

The Emmy nominations were today, and for the most part, I’m whelmed. Because if you can be underwhelmed and overwhelmed, you should be able to be whelmed.

I’m quite happy with the comedy writing noms (Yay, “Remedial Chaos Theory,”) And I’m very pleased to see Breaking Bad rack up some recognition, especially for Gus and Jesse, but also, Parks, Louie and Community should have gotten more love. But, oh well. I need to learn to live with disappointment. I’m already trying to resign myself to the idea that Modern Family will probably win some things even though they are the worst. Hrumph.

Out of everything, though, my favorite piece of trivia that I have learned about these nominations is this:

For the first time since 2006, The Office wasn’t nominated for anything. At all.

Yup. It’s the end of an era, folks. So many shows started around the same time as The Office: Grey’s Anatomy, Lost, How I Met Your Mother, House, 30 Rock. I feel like a lot of my college and post-college years were built around these shows. And now, that chapter is closing, or has closed in some cases. It’s a little sad, but also exciting. The great thing about television is that there is always something new to obsess over just around the corner, and I for one cannot wait for for the next batch of shows that should be taking their places any month now.

Here’s looking to September to see how all this news turns out, both for the Emmys and the new freshman crop.

Happy viewing!
-Mary

Plagiarism…I mean, I can’t say it better than this

I would love to write a review of this week’s Breaking Bad, but after reading reviews at other sites, I realize that I could never verbalize my thoughts as well as this.

Matt Zoller Seitz at NYMag.com:

“Skyler’s haunted face is the image I’ll take away when I think about this episode. Now that the full extent of Walt’s ruthlessness has been revealed, she’s looking more like what she actually is: not a full partner in a criminal enterprise, but a prisoner in an abusive marriage. She’s the spouse of a brilliant psychopath, a man who keeps insisting that all his violence and terror is on behalf of her and their children, but who’s clearly on a power trip and that often verges on delusions of godhood — and not without reason. When all the evidence flew through the air and slammed into the concrete wall, I thought of Magneto in the X-Men films, and of the awesome and terrifying telepathic powers displayed in films like Scanners and The Fury. The hints of omnipotence (in Walt’s mind, anyway) were driven home in that exchange between Mike and Walt after the evidence locker sequence.  Mike wanted assurance that the plan actually worked. “Am I supposed to take that on faith?” Mike asked. “How do I know?” “Because I said so,” Walt replied, which is exactly what a parent tells children when asserting authority. Daddy said everything will be fine. Now shut up and go to sleep.”

Brilliant.

Pre-lab Prep: My Hopes for Breaking Bad Season 5

Well, as some of you may know, and all of you should know, the fifth and final season of Breaking Bad starts today. This is perhaps one of the best shows ever. Period. If you haven’t seen it, and you love TV (which, if you’re reading this, you obviously do), you must needs watch this show. I have yet to meet someone who hates it. Sure, they think it’s gross, tough, pessimistic and sometimes hard to watch, but no one denies that it’s an epic piece of art. It’s that good.

With that said, I’ve been rewatching the first four seasons of the show in preparation for tonight’s premiere. It’s been a wild ride, not only because there were a lot of things I had forgotten about, but also because you can see the little hints even at the beginning that lead up to where we are now. And, upon second viewing, I have a few predictions for this last season.

So, here they are. I’m going to say right off the bat, I know nothing about what is going to happen this season. These are just speculations. And most likely, I’m going to be wrong about everything because this show has the uncanny ability to surprise me.  However, if I’m right, I will gloat about it as much as possible. Either way, you can’t blame me for spoilers. These cannot be misconstrued as that.

1. Jesse will find out about Walt poisoning Brock – This is kind of a gimme. Of course, he will find out. Jesse keeps getting smarter while Walt keeps getting dumber, so ergo…  If, for some reason, this doesn’t happen, then I say Jesse finds out about Walt’s involvement with Jane’s death. Walt almost spilled the beans in “The Fly,” so it’s not out of the realm of possibility for the truth to finally came out.

2. The conflict of the season becomes a war between Walt and Jesse – Season four officially rid us of many big bads. The cartel is gone. Gus is gone. So where’s the conflict? Yes, the DEA is always a looming threat, but for my money, Walt v. Jesse will be the main conflict of the final season, especially if I’m right about prediction #1. The two characters have had their blows in the past, like last season’s epic fist fight, but they’ve always been relatively loyal to each other. How exciting would it be if this partnership truly dissolved and they went at each other for real? Imagine Walt’s cold logic and egomania coming up against Jesse’s keen instincts and ultimate morality. I’m excited just thinking about it.

3. Hank is the one to catch Walt – There’s a point in season four, when Hank thinks that Dale was Heisenberg, where Hank laments not catching the guy himself. He mentions that he wanted to be Popeye Doyle, and get the guy on his own. Well, I surmise that he’s going to get his wish. Whether he figures it out himself (which would be awesome) or Walt confesses to him (also awesome), I’d put money on Hank being the one to finally bring the great Heisenberg down.

4. Walt takes the blame for everything to save Jesse – At its core, the key relationship of the show has been between Walt and Jesse, the dynamics of which have driven the show forward. I would expect that if shit went down, Walt would protect Jesse, like a father protecting his son. Even if this season puts the two at odds, this would reconcile things. And it would be Walt’s legacy, the indication that he hasn’t been completely corrupted by his actions. It would mean redemption, which is something Walt certainly needs to strive for.

5. Junior gets hurt/killed – How has this not happened yet? Honestly? Hank has ended up in the hospital multiple times. Jesse has been beaten up at least once a season. And practically everyone who is/was close to Jesse has gotten into some kind of trouble (Jane/Brock/Combo). But Walt’s immediate family has stayed safe. It seems to me that this is just tempting fate. Walt said that he has has the shadow of death looming over him since his diagnosis, but I’m not sure that necessarily means his own. The threats are eventually going to become real, and I think Walt’s son, the person who Walt has been doing all this for, will be the victim. I hope I’m wrong here, but I’ve got a feeling in my gut that I’m not.

6. Someone important dies – Well, duh, you say. And I agree. It has to happen. There’s no way we are going to come out of this without a painful, gut-wrenching loss. That would be too easy, and this show is not easy by any means. Junior is my obvious choice, but my money is also on Skyler or Marie. Or, hell, it could be Jesse, which would thoroughly break my heart. Or it could be Walt himself. The cancer could come back and take him out the way he hoped to go. Or he could pull a Sydney Carton and do the “far, far better thing.” (That would support my #4 prediction, at least). But who knows, really? All I know is that I expect to cry at least once before it’s all said and done. And I’m kind of looking forward to it.

7. I have a heart attack from the stress of the season – This isn’t an actual possibility, except if I keep making my own butter (that stuff is like meth), but never have I experienced a show that is so intense. Even rewatching, when I know exactly what’s going to happen, has caused my blood pressure to rise. So, I expect that this season will be no different in terms of stress. At least my nails won’t be able to grow to long. So there’s that.

Well, we’ll see, won’t we? I do realize that I won’t know if I’m right about these for another year because of the way the final season is being broken up, but no matter. I’m still super excited for tonight. I cannot wait to be sucked into this world all over again!!

Got opinions of your own? Let me know in the comments.

An Ode to Aaron Sorkin

The Newsroom starts tonight, and, despite some middling reviews, I’m still rather excited. The trailer for the show shows some classic Aaron Sorkin writing, and really it’s been far too long since Sorkin has been on television. Even Studio 60 had better moments than you get on most TV shows, (hello, the pilot is pretty impressive) so I’m holding out hope for this new offering.

In honor of this new show, I’ve decided to count down the top five best Sorkinesque TV moments of the past. Other sites have done the best Sorkin characters or episodes, but for me, it’s really certain scenes, certain lines, that define what a great television maker this guy is. He’s a wordsmith, a writer of great speeches, great banter and brilliant wordplay. As a language lover myself, it’s a joy to watch.

So, with that in mind: Here – we – go!

5. Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip – “Pilot” – Wes Mendell has a Network moment

Aaron Sorkin has a knack for saying things that you’ve been thinking but never had the mental acumen to put together so intelligently. Some people hate how he uses his shows as a pulpit, but I admire it. If somebody has the attention of millions of people, I’m glad it’s someone with a quick mind and a sharp tongue.

Wes: Ah, this is not going to be a very good show tonight. And I think you should change the channel. Change the channel, go on, right now… or better yet, turn off the TV, okay? No, I know it seems like this is supposed to be funny, but tomorrow you’re gonna find out that it wasn’t and by that time I’ll have been fired. No, this is… this is not… this is not a sketch. This show used to be cutting edge political and social satire, but it’s gotten lobotomized by a candy-ass broadcast network hell-bent on doing nothing that might challenge their audience. We’re about to do a sketch that you’ve seen already about 500 times. Yeah, no one’s gonna confuse George Bush with George Plimpton. Yeah, we get it. We’re all being lobotomized by this country’s most influential industry that’s just throwing in the towel on any endeavor to do anything that doesn’t include the courting of 12 year old boys. And not even the smart 12 year olds. The stupid ones. The idiots. Which there are plenty, thanks in no small measure to this network, so why don’t you just change the channel? Turn off your TVs, do it right now, go ahead…. A struggle between art and commerce. Well, there’s always been a struggle between art and commerce. And now I’m telling you art is getting its ass kicked. And it’s making us mean, and it’s making us bitchy. It’s making us cheap punks. That’s not who we are! People are having contests to see how much they can be like Donald Trump?… We’re eating worms for money. Who wants to screw my sister? Guys are getting killed in a war that’s got theme music and a logo? That remote in your hand is a crack pipe. [monitors] Oh yeah, every once in a while we pretend to be appalled…. Pornographers! It’s not even good pornography. They’re just this side of snuff films. And friends, that’s what’s next because that’s all that’s left. And the two things that make them scared gutless are the FCC and every psycho religious cult that gets positively horny at the very mention of a boycott. These are the people they’re afraid of – this prissy, feckless, off-the-charts, greed-filled whorehouse of a network. And you’re watching this thoroughly unpatriotic Mother-

Cal: Go to VTR, now!

4. The West Wing – “Game On” – Jed Bartlet kicks his debate skills up a notch

Sometimes I wish Jed Bartlett were real. Not to get too political, but the way he tries so hard to be noble and just as President is something I wish were a reality in this day and age. And I truly wish that the American public used this model for their choice of President.

Bartlet: There it is. That’s the ten word answer my staff’s been looking for for two weeks. There it is. Ten-word answers can kill you in political campaigns. They’re the tip of the sword. Here’s my question: What are the next ten words of your answer? Your taxes are too high? So are mine. Give me the next ten words. How are we going to do it? Give me ten after that, I’ll drop out of the race right now. Every once in a while… every once in a while, there’s a day with an absolute right and an absolute wrong, but those days almost always include body counts. Other than that, there aren’t very many unnuanced moments in leading a country that’s way too big for ten words. I’m the President of the United States, not the President of the people who agree with me. And by the way, if the left has a problem with that, they should vote for somebody else.

3. The West Wing “The Midterms” – Jed Bartlet doesn’t tolerate ignorance

If there is one thing I hate, it’s ignorance. If someone disagrees with me and can defend their view with intelligence, I’m all for it. But if their disagreement stems from a basic misunderstanding of truths, I’m done. And I wish I had the brilliance to take them down the way Bartlet takes down this bigoted radio personality.

President Josiah Bartlet: Good. I like your show. I like how you call homosexuality an abomination.
Dr. Jenna Jacobs: I don’t say homosexuality is an abomination, Mr. President. The Bible does.
President Josiah Bartlet: Yes, it does. Leviticus.
Dr. Jenna Jacobs: 18:22.
President Josiah Bartlet: Chapter and verse. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I had you here. I’m interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She’s a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While thinking about that, can I ask another? My Chief of Staff Leo McGarry insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or is it okay to call the police? Here’s one that’s really important ’cause we’ve got a lot of sports fans in this town: Touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads? Think about those questions, would you? One last thing: While you may be mistaking this for your monthly meeting of the Ignorant Tight-Ass Club, in this building, when the President stands, nobody sits.

3. Sports Night – “The Apology” – Dan Rydell apologizes to his brother

This speech is just plain moving. It doesn’t have any of the proselytizing that some of the other speeches I’ve chosen have, but it goes to the heart of the subject. And Josh Charles is just great in this moment.

“I have a younger brother named Sam. Sam’s a genius. I mean, literally. As a kid, he tested off the charts. The first computer I ever had, he built from a kit he bought with money he earned tutoring other kids in math. He’s energetic and articulate, curious and funny. A great source of pride to our parents. And there’s no doubt that he’d be living a great life right now, except for that he’s dead. Because when you’re fourteen years old, all you ever really wanna be when you grow up is your sixteen-year-old brother. And in my case, that meant smoking a lot of dope. The day I went off to college was the day that Sam got his driver’s license. And he celebrated by taking a drive with some of his friends. Drunk and high as a paper kite. He never saw the red light that he ran. And he probably never saw the eighteen-wheel truck that put him into the side of a brick bank, either.
[long pause]
That was eleven years ago tonight. And I just wanted to say… I’m sorry, Sam. You deserved better in my hands. And I apologize.

1. The West Wing “Two Cathedrals” Jed Bartlett yells at God

Thinking about this scene makes me tear up a little. “Two Cathedrals” is one of the best episodes of television ever. Hands down. And this speech, with the thunder in the background, breaks my heart. Martin Sheen is awe-inspiring in it, and I think I can safely say that it’s one of the greatest things that Aaron Sorkin has ever written.

“You’re a son of a bitch, You know that? She bought her first new car and You hit her with a drunk driver. What? Was that supposed to be funny? “You can’t conceive, nor can I, the appalling strangeness of the mercy of God,” says Graham Greene. I don’t know whose ass he was kissing there, ’cause I think You’re just vindictive. What was Josh Lyman – a warning shot? That was my son. What did I ever do to Yours but praise His glory and praise His Name? There’s a tropical storm that’s gaining speed and power. They say we haven’t had a storm this bad since You took out that tender ship of mine in the North Atlantic last year. Sixty-eight crew. You know what a tender ship does? Fixes the other ships. It doesn’t even carry guns. It just goes around, fixes the other ships and delivers the mail. That’s all it can do. Gratias tibi ago, Domine. Yes, I lied. It was a sin. I’ve committed many sins. Have I displeased You, You feckless thug? 3.8 million new jobs, that wasn’t good?
[scoffs]
Bailed out Mexico. Increased foreign trade. Thirty million new acres of land for conservation. Put Mendoza on the bench. We’re not fighting a war. I’ve raised three children. That’s not enough to buy me out of the doghouse? Haec credam a Deo pio, a Deo iusto, a Deo scito? Cruciatus in crucem. Trus in terra servus, nuntius fui, officium perfeci. Cruciatus in crucem. Eas in crucem.
[Deliberately lights a cigarette and grinds it out on the Cathedral floor]

You get Hoynes.

One Week!

I cannot wait!